"" bshawise: Deer Talk

Monday, August 10, 2009

Deer Talk


ME:
So...

DEER:
So...

ME:
You don't, um...you don't really belong here.

DEER:
You don't.

ME:
This is my house.

DEER:
Ish.

ME:
What do you mean, ish?

DEER:
It's an expression.

ME:
I know it's an expression..Listen, you need to leave.

DEER:
You need to leave.

ME:
What are you a third grader or something? Scram.

DEER:
Scram? Seriously?

ME:
What?

DEER:
Are we in the 1940s? We playing Little Rascals right now?

ME:
I'm done talking to you.

DEER:
Am I supposed to say, "Geewilikers" right now? Is that my line?

ME:
I will get a gun and shoot you.

DEER:
Right.

ME:
Square in the face. And then I'll turn you into jerky and give you away at Christmas.

DEER:
Yep.

ME:
Your thighs will be all smokey and shriveled and stuffed in little tins with bows on top.

DEER:
I'm scared.

ME:
You should be.

DEER:
Yeah. Well. I guess I am.

ME:
Good.

DEER:
Not.

ME:
Not? Seriously?

DEER:
Yeah, I'm not really scared.

ME:
Yeah, I get it. Are you leaving or what?

DEER:
Yeah, I gotta roll.

ME:
Good.

DEER:
Peace, bro.

3 comments:

Patrick said...

Brilliant. I needed this for the end of my day.

John Arns said...

I would gladly pay you $$ if you could make the deer in my yard leave that easily. and talk them into staying out for good.

10 Gallon Bucket said...

you should have shot it while you had the chance. leah would have loved a deer head perched over your bed.