Adapt

Marcus Buckingham's StrengthsFinder program was a big part of my previous job. Hiring decisions were made based on these strengths. Every staff member had a framed list of their top five. It was a part of the culture and every day language. My top strength was/is adaptability. Here is its brief description: People strong in the Adaptability theme prefer to “go with the flow.” They tend to be “now” people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.

During a staff meeting, many of us were asked to talk about how we thought we developed our top strength. I have no idea really, but I hypothesized aloud that maybe diabetes was to blame. I was thrown a life-changing curve ball at the age of ten and had to adapt. Then, every day from then on required me to adapt to a non-diabetic world. That sounds overly dramatic. Here's an example of what I mean.

Playing sports as a teenager as a diabetic is hard. I was always one of the smallest kids on the field/court so I was constantly scrapping for playing time. It wasn't just given to me. Having a low blood sugar episode at practice or a game was a strike against me because the last thing I needed was the coach thinking I couldn't go 100%. So I'd have to figure out how to solve the problem without drawing attention to myself. The same thing happened at various camps, sleepovers, parties, etc. I was constantly taking a MacGyver approach to blood sugar control.

That (I think) translated to my professional skill set. Much of what I do at the Vineyard involves creating and executing ideas with gum wrappers and paper clips. I love last minute ideas and the thrill of pulling them off. I love change. I love it so much that I constantly want to create change just to mess with people who hate it.

Maybe that comes from my diabetic roots, maybe it doesn't. Here's something I find interesting, however. My love for change and adaptability doesn't translate to my current diabetic maintenance. I operate out of what I learned in sixth grade. New technologies have been developed. I've adopted some. But for the most part I have a way of doing things that "works" for me. And I haven't really changed that system in almost 20 years. The first question people will ask whenever they find out I'm a type 1 diabetic is, "Do you have a pump?" I always answer, "No, I have my own system that works for me." And it does I guess. But for the past couple months, I've been mustering up the courage to ask myself if it really works. And could it work better?

Why do I embrace change with nearly every aspect of my life except the most important? Diabetes is going to kill me one day. It's inevitable and truly I'm OK with it. But I've come to own that I can make changes to keep it from happening earlier than it should. So I've decided to start over. I found a diabetes specialist and in March I am asking her to start from the beginning. I need to relearn everything. I am open to new systems regardless of how different they are from my current one. If that means getting a pump I will. This is no small deal. This is changing a way of life that I've "lived" with every hour of every day for 20 years. And it's way more than just a physical change in how I do things. There are some deep-seated issues that center around pride wrapped up in all this.

But I can change. I am changing and adapting in nearly all aspects of my life right now except one. And it's a big one. So wish me luck. And if there's something big that you need to change in your life, join me. If I can change this- anything's possible.

BESTOV '10: Superbowl commercial

In my humble opinion, this was far and away the best commercial I saw last night. Simple, clever, sweet. Can't argue with that combo.

Diff'rent Strokes

Get it? His name is Mr. Drummond. Drummin' rhymes with Drummond. That's why it's so hilarious. HAHAHA;LFAJS;LDJFA;LSDJFAL;J.

Now before you post inane comments like, "Brad, you have too much time on your hands" and "I hate how unfunny you are" know that I spent less than 90 seconds on it. And that seems worth it for an idea cooked up while microwaving quiche. My next one will be Arnold Drummond's head on the Governator's body. Get it?

Spiderman

Axioms

Perhaps you're like me, and sometimes a good quote from a smart, dead person is like good medicine. When things feel a little murky or shaky, it's nice to digest a little nugget of truth from someone who's been there. I found myself digging around for some today. Then, for whatever reason, I wanted to try writing my own. Almost like I'm a freelance fortune cookie writer. Feel free to turn them into posters with jumping whales. Just a few thoughts I had this morning...

"Instincts are easier to trust when the stakes are low. But when they're high...that's when you find out if you got moxy."

"Sometimes your critics are looking thru different glasses than you. The trick is getting them to trust that your vision is less fuzzy than theirs."

"Listening to your gut gets harder the longer you stay in the ring."

"A bagel is good by itself. Its even better with sausage, egg, cheese, hot sauce and ranch."

"Pipe dreams don't magically turn themselves into plumbing. They need a passionate group of plumbers and pipe benders willing to crawl into the dark, dirty places."

"Take risks. But only if you have some bounce left in your tanks."

I'll leave you one last quote from the Clarke girls. It's an axiom that I've followed for over 15 years. "Dance like you feel."

Don't Forget Your Booties

Soph_____

I watched The Grammys last night. It was a mixed greens salad of art and awkward. My two favorite performances were Lady Gaga and Pink. My least favorite were the Black Eyed Peas and Jamie Foxx. They're all attempting to shock and awe us Dick Cheney style, right? But there's a tangible difference between the good and bad. Pink and Gaga get it. BEP and J.Foxx are just guessing. Pink and Gaga are sophisticated in their shock. BEP and J.Foxx are sophomoric. Same intentions and same prefix. Very different results. In my opinion.

Lively Exchange

Leah and I were reading a conversation between God and Job. You can check out the whole thing here. The exchange absolutely fascinates me. It also hits pretty close to home. So I wanted to take a few parts and paraphrase it.

Here's the quick backstory. Satan and God kind of make a bet. Satan thinks Job serves God simply because God protects him and allows Job to be healthy, wealthy and wise. So God progressively removes that protection for a bit, allowing Satan to take his wealth, his children, and his physical health. Job doesn't curse God but he does, at length, wax choleric about God's unfairness and absence. Finally, God answers Job from the eye of a violent storm.

Why do you talk about things you have no idea about? Pull yourself together, man. Get on your feet! Seriously, stand up! I have some questions for you and I want some straight answers.

Where were you when I created the earth? Tell me, since you know so much!
Who decided its size? Certainly you'll know that!
Who came up with the blueprints and measurements?
Who took charge of the ocean when it gushed forth like a baby from the womb?
THAT WAS ME.
I wrapped it in soft clouds, and tucked it in safely at night. Then I made a playpen for it, a strong playpen so it couldn't run loose. I said, "Stay here. This is your place."
Have you ever been to the true bottom of things, Job? Have you explored the labyrinthine caves of deep ocean?
Do you know the first thing about death? Do have one clue regarding its dark mysteries?
Do you have any idea how large this earth is? Speak up if you have even the beginning of an answer.
Have you ever traveled to where snow is made?
Could you find your way to where lightning is launched?
Who do you think carves canyons and waters the fields?
Who do you think is the father of rain and dew, the mother of ice and frost? You don't imagine these marvels of weather just happen, do you?

Who do you think taught the lioness to hunt in order to feed her cubs?
Who gave wild animals their freedom? Who has the power to tell the buffalo what to do and when to do it? You?
Did you give the horse his prowess and shimmering mane? Did you create him to prance proudly and strike terror with his royal snorts?
Was it through your know-how that the hawk learned to soar?
Did you teach eagles how to build their nests in the high cliff face?

Now what do you have to say for yourself? Are you going to haul me, the Mighty One, into court and press charges?

Job answered: "I'm speechless, in awe. Words fail me. I never should've opened my mouth. I've talked too much, WAY too much. I'm ready to shut up and listen.

God continues with his lashing.

I have some more questions for you. Do you presume to tell me what I'm doing wrong? Seriously. I'm wrong and you're right, that's what you're saying?
Do have an arm like my arm?
Can you shout in thunder the way I can.
Go ahead, show your stuff. Let's see what you're made of, what you can do.
Unleash your outrage. Target the arrogant and lay them flat. Stop the wicked in their tracks. Kill them all and put them into a huge, unmarked grave.
I'll gladly step aside and hand things over to you- you can surely save yourself with no help from me!
Look around. I created everything on land. I tell them what to do.
I created everything in the ocean. Everything! They too are my pets. Even the terrible beasts you've never seen.
Can you control such things? No. You couldn't. How then do you think you can stand up to me?
Who can confront me and get away with it?
I am in charge of ALL this!
I run this universe!

Job answers: "I'm convinced. You can do everything. Nothing and no one can upset your plans. You asked, 'Who is this muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?' I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me, made small talk about wonders way over my head. I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears! I'm sorry—forgive me. I'll never do that again, I promise! I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor."

I like to picture God having a little sidekick/buddy inside that storm cloud who ended this exchange with a fitting, "Awwwww snap."

That's Me In The Corner

In the year Prince made famous, I worked for two amazing people/designers Nancy Skolos and Tom Wedell. They had just moved into their studio/house in the suburbs of Boston. I remember walking in and seeing iconic furniture and posters we had just studied in college. It's hands down the most unique house I've ever seen. Please click that link to see for yourself.

Tom and Nancy were professors at the Rhode Island School of Design (RISD) and were gone a lot. I'd usually see them before they left in the morning and Nancy would leave a list of that day's projects. One of my first jobs was doing line illustrations of various chairs for a Herman Miller catalog. I spent all day "drawing" chairs. That next morning I showed Nancy what I did and she was blown away. When they took that particular job they thought it would take a couple weeks and charged Herman accordingly. So when I did it in a day, I made more money than they or any of their previous employees ever made in a single day. Her excitement was like doing a line of coke. I was instantly hooked to that rush. The rush of exceeding expectations and getting affirmation became my white whale. I needed it. My identity became wrapped up in it.

Fast forward to now. It's even worse. My name is Brad and I'm addicted to affirmation. I worship it. I want to abandon this religion but it's hard. I'm becoming painfully aware of this dysfunction and have spent serious time reflecting on it. So one last thought and I'm done rambling.

Healthy relationships require a healthy amount of affirmation. This is true right? Leah needs to be affirmed that I love her for this marriage thing to work. I'm no Dr. Drew but this seems right. So as someone who is addicted to affirmation, a relationship with an invisible God is hard. I've had some very real encounters with him. Times when I really felt like he was real. But most of the time it kind of feels like he's gone- maybe teaching design at RISD or something. So I'm unable to receive affirmation from him. Maybe it's different for you, but God doesn't leave me little notes telling me how awesome I am. But people sometimes do. And they're visible. They're here and made of skin. So I keep trying to make stuff, do stuff, produce stuff that might get their attention. If I can't get the real thing I'll take what I can get. It's like turkey bacon.

So I'm in process of losing my religion. This religion of chasing affirmation doesn't work. And neither does a religion where my relationship with God is based on what I produce. I'm 99% there in believing that he doesn't care. Grace eliminates his need to care what I can produce. Grace eliminates my ability to earn my worth and identity from him.

That'll just take the rest of my life to figure out. I am Captain Ahab trying to get my brain around the fact that Moby Dick is a mirage. I'm on a new hunt for the real thing. A detox of sorts.

New Banner

A super dumb vid in honor of my new banner, The League of Heroic Heroes.