"" bshawise: 2008

Sunday, December 28, 2008

BESTOV '08: SNL episode

In my opinion, the best episode this year was the one with Josh Brolin. It had numerous quality sketches. Marky Mark made an appearance. The best sketch was the very last one about Fall Foliage. Unfortunately, no one else agrees with me. You can't even find its transcript online. This pains me because I thought it was genius. Buttery oranges, crimson browns. Please tell me that one of you also appreciated this brilliant sketch. Anyone? Anyone? So, because I can't share its buttery goldness with you I'll have to settle with giving you the runner-up.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Home Is Where The Scotch Is

Leah and I spent about seven hours in the car today. We woke up in Fremont, Ohio, ate some cereal and drove to Youngstown, Ohio where we ate some pasta made by some 80 year old lady they call Grandma and after that we drove home to Cincinnati. Christmas is bananas. Sing that song, Bing.

So after a wild day I'm sitting here watching college football, drinking a single malt scotch out of a customized glass inscribed with my yet-to-become-mainstream nickname, "Hurricane" (both gifts from lil' Brenty) while Leah puts together her new ultra-violet indoor herb garden (gift from her bro Justin). The smoky-sweet, golden juice is melting away the stress of crisscrossing the heartland to bask in extended-family Christmas cheer.

I can think of a few things to write about. Lots of different emotions this Christmas. For whatever reason I choose to comment on an email I just received. My friend Baranabas (Mr. Bee) from Jos, Nigeria just signed up for Facebook. He wants me to be his online "friend." I've long been a Facebook skeptic. I'm not a hater. I just don't really get it. Real life friends make fun of me for being the only one not a part of the online friend book. That fuels my holdout. But when Mr. Bee signed up I was intrigued. I thought about how cool it would be to keep in touch and see photos of him, the Ultimate, Smally, Rogers and Aliyu (our drill crew) changing entire villages in Jos. So who knows if I'll join the dark side. The irrational rebel in me has a pretty strong hold on my life. But this is definitely the first time the Book of Face has made any kind of sense to me.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Break

Happy Christmas Eve, party people. Leah and I just exchanged gifts and are heading home for a nice break and to see our families. Among various candies and nuts she gave me a Sake set. I don't really enjoy the taste of the rice booze. But I LOVE the process of pouring it out of a little jug into a tiny glass.

The {re}gifter finished its run. What a strange feeling. I hope to have the opportunity to shoot the stage portions on video and have a finished product on DVD. If you're rich and want to bankroll that endeavor please send me a messenger pigeon. One of the better stories I heard is of this seven year old boy who leaned over to his grandma at the end and said, "I think I'm going to cry." And then they both did. It was fun to see how much kids enjoyed the show. This has much to do with how great Banjo Boyd was as the lead. He said a thousand words with his non-verbal work. Every time the music came on people sat up in their seats anticipating what he was going to do. Christopher Day was as funny as I thought he would be. Actually, he was funnier. He stole the show. I have a feeling this is the beginning of quite a ride for young Stopher. Sean Murphy's dramatic work made the show. I told him before we shot his fight scene that it was the key to the entire show. No pressure. Man, did he deliver. Authentic with just the right amount of subtlety. Jes Brookes brought a lot of depth to her character of Paige that wasn't there in the script. And the kids were fantastic. I heard many people say their favorite scene was the kids' interaction with Sam at the dumpster.

All in all it's a bittersweet end. Frankly, I'm not quite ready to process it all. I just want to reflect and hear others' reflections on what they enjoyed about each of the characters and scenes. Selfish? Perhaps. But to move on and finish with the processing means that it's really over. That can happen in 2009.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Bon Voyage

Well, we set sail on our three day voyage last night. Regretfully, I didn't smash any champagne bottles anywhwere. Can you do that mid voyage? Does that bring scurvy/ bad luck? Anywho, opening night was a success. I have so many thoughts and emotions (the manly kind, of course) right now that it's hard to decide what to reflect on. So many stories have emerged from all the volunteers gathering together to tell the one story of the {re}gifter. I hope to log them all in some fashion some day. I think the feeling for most of the cast and crew is that the actual performances are simply the icing, the cherry on top. The real fun was the work leading up to it. I really feel like for the most part I was able to enjoy that work in the moment this year. I didn't want it to hurry up and end so we could get to this point. But it does make me think about how often we set our sights on the story's conclusion and miss out on all the tiny stories that emerge along the way. I know Hallmark makes cards with that general message. But those are my thoughts this morning. It's all about the tiny stories.

One of those stories is about Stephanie. She made this junk shadow of the Cincinnati skyline a month ago. When she came to transport it from the warehouse workspace over to its destination she found it destroyed. We're thinking nogoodnik kids. She cried. This project was the first time in a long time that she got to let loose and just create. She had a rough summer and fall. This piece was more than just cans glued together. So, in a matter of a couple nights, Stephanie recreated her skyline and got it set up in time for opening night. The proud glow in her eyes after she finished on Friday night was magical. While I was in the middle of a dress rehearsal where numerous things needed fixed I was able to celebrate with Stephanie.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

BESTOV '08: Toe Tapper

This is my favorite song of 2008. Ben Folds + Regina Spector. It makes me want to write a musical for some reason. I love towards the end where they blur the lines between singing the song and talking to each other. It's the same thing Doogie did in that Dr. Horrible's Sing ALong Blog. There's magic there that I want to explore. Maybe next Christmas.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

BESTOV '08: Biggest Pimp

I don't need to explain this one. It's obvious. He's the James Bond of Muppets. I'd include his acceptance speech for this award but he goes on and on about meatballs and frankly, it's exhausting. Let this picture do the talking.

Monday, December 15, 2008

BESTOV '08: Motion Picture

If you haven't seen WALL-E please grab your coat, keys, wallet and run to an establishment that can trade you a digital video disc for money. This movie absolutely floored me. I think it was a catalyst in writing the {RE}gifter. The end credits alone were worth the $7.50 ticket. Hats off to the wizards at Pixar. They done did it again.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

BESTOV '08: Moment in TV Series

From here until the New Year (or I get bored with it) the majority of my posts will be BESTOV '08 award winners. Certainly there's plenty of things that deserve to get dubbed "The Best of 2008" by me, right? Sure.

So the BESTOV '08: Moment in TV Series goes to.... It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Charlie wrote a musical, the gang starred in it, and this is the final scene, the big finish. It's probably only funny if you watch the show. I, the only judge on the BESTOV judges panel, do in fact watch the show. So I find this moment hilarious. Award winning even. Enjoy.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

San Francisco Treat

This makes me want to move to San Fran.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Gift Idea

If you're out there searching for my Christmas gift look no further....

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Pushing Daisies

So I'm sitting on a frozen bag of corn watching one of the final episodes of Pushing Daisies feeling very sad that such a great show is getting cancelled. I'm mad at ABC for killing such a wonderful show. I'm mad at you for not watching it. I'm actually just sad. It's an amazing show. Original concept, clever writing, beautifully shot, and don't even get me started on the colors. This show alone justifies buying a hi-def television set. It's like a Thanksgiving Day meal + Fryday extravaganza for your eye balls. And stupid ABC is giving up on it.

Now having done a little moving-picture creating I can't imagine what that'd feel like. The whole cast and crew has to be like, what the fudge-cicle? To produce something that is clever, original, artistic, beautiful and funny and then just be done.... something's wrong with that. I feel like a teenager telling my parents it's not fair. If you don't watch this show I expect you to send me a hand written apology. Cause it's your fault.

The bag of corn.... I fell off a 1950s pogo stick at a rehearsal tonight and straight onto a concrete stage. Me bum hurts. What's hilarious is Brianna, the 13 year old actress in the show, told me minutes before I fell off, "to be careful." Afterwards, she reminded me she saw it all coming. Talented and clairvoyant. I should've consulted with her before falling in love with Pushing Daisies. She could've saved me from that pain as well.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Trailer #1

Blog Bragging #2

So there's a member of the crew I haven't bragged on yet. This superstar is far and away the one most responsible for this grueling process going so well. Right now, Joe is thinking this post is going to be about him. It is not. It's about Leah. I've told her all this stuff so I'm not trying to win points with her. I'm just bragging on her.

Weeks like the last one where I'm gone until well after midnight every night effect her as much as they do me. Miss Jackson alerts her when I come home so there's no real sleeping until then. Miss also doesn't listen very well to Leah talking about work, school and Perez Hilton. She mostly just whines until Leah lets her up on the couch. I've been home with just the dog when Leah is traveling and things are just better when Leah and I are both in the same room.

So it would've been very easy for Leah to be less than thrilled with me last week. Instead, she was amazing. She made me delicious lunches for me to take to work every night because I wasn't able to eat dinner with her. She took care of all the stuff that goes into keeping our house clean, paid for, etc. She stayed up and had a glass of wine with me when I finally did get home and listened to me go on and on. She sent me txt messages telling me she loves me. She supported me. And that is essential to my functionality. I cannot feel good about things unless I have her support. I had it this week and it's the main reason it was so rewarding.

Last few words and I'm done...

All week I asked Leah to come on set. I wanted her to see everything. Friday night she came down after her staff Christmas party (that I was unable to attend with her). We were shooting outside and there were huge lights everywhere. The house glowed. We were getting ready to roll when I turned around and saw Leah. She was in her white coat and knee high boots. She was more radiant than the glowing house. A few people came up to me later on (and this always happens) and said, "Your wife is so beautiful." I always respond, "I know. I'm a lucky guy." She is stunning. Both inside and out.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Too Live Crew

Here's a few members of the crew. We are two shoots away from being done. Our average end time this week has been shortly past midnight. I've been shocked and humbled that even at the end of the night everyone is still joking, laughing and having a blast. I've never seen anything like it. I've never worked on anything so rewarding. Meet a few folks I've spent quite a bit of time with lately....

This is Mark, the Director of Photography. When you see our footage you're going to want to french kiss him. He's the hardest working man on set. He never breaks. From the time we get there to when we leave he is on his feet working. Last night I decided a personal mission of mine is to make him famous. He has talent the world needs to see. He makes my scribbled down ideas into reality. A far better looking reality than I imagined.

Matt is on the far right. He's a stand up comedian who makes jokes about Batman and Swedish Fish. He's quiet but dangerously funny. When we're not rolling he's playing iPod games or writing new jokes. To the left of him is Hannah. She's a receptionist for a home health care agency. She also serves at the Cracker Barrel once a month. It's brutal, she says. Every night she drives down from Middletown. Her smile and attitude are contagious on set.

Steve (on right) is the roughest, toughest artist you'll ever meet. He and his wife opened up the doors of their iron shop last night and let us shoot there until the wee small hours of the morning. Not only that, they fed us. There was a dessert table that looked like it straight from Paula Dean. Five kinds of lasagna, salad, like eight focaccia pizzas, drinks, coffee and cappuccino from their tenant Chuck Roast. It was out of this world. Steve is also the master artist for the surprise element of the show. Prepare for your mind to be blown when you see what he's got cooking.

John, master editor for tv during day and at night on set he's a grip, photographer, jib operator, movie quoter and generator of good vibes. He and Isaac can recite every bit of Coming To America.

The other Brad on set. He's home from Chicago for a couple months working on starting a business. He's like having Andy Samberg on set. Crazy hard worker and hilarious. The ultimate win win.

Bekka. My 1st Assistant Director. She has probably put more work into this project than anyone. And that's saying a lot. I would buy her a Rolls Royce if I could. She's the real Boss on set. She can scream at everyone to be quiet on set one second and then the next talk to the kid actors and get exactly what we need from them. It's fun to watch.

The Virgin Mary. Very sweet, very quiet, and extremely plastic.

Alec, another member of the camera team. And another hard worker. He's young but has a ton of experience. Last night at 1am he was still smiling and telling me how much fun he's having. "It's what I do," he said when I thanked him.

On the right is Kyle. When you come to the show and see the shots where the focus changes from the item in the foreground to the item in the background- that's Kyle's doing. It's complicated, skilled work that he's picked up extremely fast. He is the right hand man to Mark (Director of Photography). Great dude.

Isaac, my 2nd Assistant Director. He'll also edit all the footage into movie magic. He does the best impression of an awkward teenager you'll ever see. He's the producer of this venture. Meaning he makes all the gears, wheels, whistles and bells turn and function.

Mark Mills. Call him Millsy. He's an iron worker who luckily (for us) is laid off for a couple more weeks. He's maybe one of the harder workers I've seen. And he has a photographic memory. He always knows where stuff is. I bet he kills at Memory. He's the glue of the entire crew.

The Haymaker. Ed Hatke. He's my boss at VCC. On set he's our sound wizard. The biggest compliment to him is that our stuff sounds as good as it looks. I think he's a shareholder at COSCO. Most nights, the only thing not from the superstore on his person are his tennis shoes.

This is Jenny. She's doing make-up and continuity (making sure things are in the same place in each shot). She's quick with the compliment and willing to help out however she can. At the end of each night we commiserate at our uselessness while the grips and gaffers (know-it-alls) run around packing everything up.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Caption This...

Caption these photos.

My first attempt:
Police said Jonah's Vespa was found unscathed.

My second:
Green-conscious Chinese are asking Eskimos how they typically use spilled whale mess.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

New Traditions

Thanksgiving was full of death-defying treats and tricks. We put off cooking food in burning hot oil until the day after Thanksgiving. In doing so, we started a new tradition we dubbed Fryday. It was more than I could've hoped for. The "bacon"-wrapped "hotdogs" dazzled the naysayers and the salami pockets surprised even me with their deliciousness. We built a giant bonfire that burned while we fried stuff. Eventually, we got bored with just watching the flames and started with the tomfoolery. We struck Heisman poses, saved miniature daschounds from peril, air surfed on broken satellite dishes, and soared thru the air Robin Hood style with a mini marshmallow bow and arrow. Much fun had by all. (click the pics to see the fried stuffs in all their glory. thanks to my cousin Nat for the Fryday photos.)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Who's Your Fry Daddy?

Tonight, I will join my extended family for our annual turkey binge. For various reasons, I was put in charge of frying the turkey this year. If you know me even a little then you know that I like change. I am aroused (in a non-sexual way) by change. It's been that way for as long as I can remember. I was crushing on change even before Barack came around and brought the sexy back (to change). So, chances are, if you put me in charge of something I'm going to change whatever it is. Or at least try. Sometimes for good, sometimes for the opposite of good.

So this year instead of frying a turkey I'm frying random things. Like, cheese-filled turkey dogs wrapped in turkey bacon dipped in beer batter. How amazing does that artery bomb sound? Weapon of mass deliciousness. I'll also be tossing in pickle chips, jalepeno bottlecaps, salami pockets stuffed with cream cheese, shrimp and who knows what else. Cans of Coors Light if they get too close.

Every year we smoke a turkey, roast a turkey and fry a turkey. That's too much turkey. That's just more of the same. So this year, that fried turkey will come in dog form. Complete with a bacon scarf and warm crispy shell. That's change we can believe in, my friends. Let the words cry out from the crackle and pop of fried oil....Yes We Can.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I want to do a music video with this star. Picturing the rabid night-demon dancing to Nelly's Nike anthem really cracks me up. Try it. Imagine him bouncing ever so slightly. Lifting his footpaw up one by one marching/stompin' in place- slow motion style. Doing his patented dance- the handwashin' cabbage patch. (it is raccoons who "wash" their hands right?) Cut away to him knocking over trashcans eating banana peels and what not. Can you see it? Can you feel it?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Production Stills

Russ Beckner has posted 57 photos on his facebook page. They're from days two and three of this past week's shoots. Check em out right here. I think I'm in love with directing. I got the fever. And the only prescription might be more projects like this. Bollyworld here we come.

Working with all these volunteers is one of the most rewarding things I've ever been a part of. It's very humbling. I find it hard not to walk around constantly thanking all these people who stay late into the night after they worked all day. It's also a bit overwhelming to watch a random idea (in this case a Saturday morning brainstorm) become a reality carried out by so many people. Everyone brings different aspects to the project and helps make it better than I ever imagined. Truly thrilling.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

2 down, 6 to go

We've completed two of our eight shoots. Both lasted about nine hours each. It's going extremely well. We have volunteer crews of about 25-30 working hard each night. There's a team of roughly 35 people who are consistently asking God to help us out. We're making moving pictures, baby. It's unbelievable. Here's a first draft of a a poster for the show (work in progress) along with a few shots (thanks Russ Beckner) from the shoot last night. I'll share more as he and other volunteers send them to me.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Divine Intervention

For the past week I have been stressing out. Lots of nights waking up around 4am thinking about all the different things to do for the REgifter. The after-show sculpture aspect of the show has been weighing heavy on me. Lots of worry over not getting enough skilled people to volunteer. On Saturday I talked to the leader of this team about how I was considering scaling way back and shifting focus. We have eight million amazing ideas but lack the manpower to execute. I woke up today before the meeting with the after-show core team and told God that I wasn't doing a good job with recruiting effort and that I was done. I told him that if he wanted us to do something that he would have to bring us the right people and direction. I gave up control.

So I told the team my concerns. They shared that they felt the same way. These guys are top notch so they we're working 80 hour weeks and feeling a little overwhelmed. The only one not leaning towards scaling back was Harmony Hensley. She's an unstoppable dreamer. It's why I asked her on the team. Anyways, after a few moments of scale-back talk the team went back to brainstorming new ideas. One in particular required legitimate metal workers to come on board. So I'm sitting there loving the new stuff (it's like crack for me) but thinking the last thing we need is more ideas.

Around 11am the team wanted to see the piles of junk I've acquired. We walked over and ran into a guy (Jeff) who said, "Are you Brad? This your junk?" I laughed and said yeah thinking he heard about it from the complaining student ministry guys. He said, "If you need anyone who can work with metal I have access to all kinds of stuff working for JTM, I can weld, etc. etc." I explained our new idea and asked if he thought he could do it. We showed him a sketch. He said, "Yep. No problem" and that he'd bring an example back in a week to see if like it. I slapped him on his shoulder and told him that he makes me believe in God. Seriously. What are the chances? Jeff the JTM metal worker was flat out a God send.

Meanwhile, Korey (roller coaster designer) was running around all excited about the junk and talking about creating teams that could make robots. Caleb (our 10 year old team member) was helping him gather robot parts and folding newspapers into origami cranes while Abe and I strategized about new, focused team-building efforts. All of us blown away by our encounter with Jeff.

Moral of the story- I gave up control and asked God to step in. The results: Jeff just happened to show up and basically said, "Hey, you know that idea that would be cool but you need someone who can do it... that's me. What's up?" And Korey went from wanting to scale back to creating robot families made of lamp shades, washing machine parts and computer monitors. 10 year old Caleb was in the whole time. But now he's really excited that he and his dad (Paul) are going to make a giant crane using chain link fence. What a day.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Trash Shadows

My new friend Scott is helping with the {RE}gifter after show and shared a link of Tim Nobel and Sue Webster's art. If you know how or can figure out how to do this I need you to get a hold of me. STAT.

BTW, a handful of artists showed up last night to our first gathering. A group of high school kids came. It was hilarious. They made a rudolph with a watering can head who broke his back flying and had to use a walker. We're going to meet again this Thursday. Spread the word. You wouldn't believe how fun it is to play with trash. I might regret having Rumpke dump a half truck of recycling back there. It was a lot sloppier than I expected. A LOT more. I am now the owner of a hot pile of mess. Pete, the director of Student Ministries, came out yesterday when the dump truck was beeping in reverse and said, "What are you doing?!" I told him I wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about that answer. Good times.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Most Important Meal of the Day

I have a question. Say you wake up and you're out of dog food. What would you put into your dog's bowl to break her fast? I chose Honey Bunches this morning and Leah reacted like I fed her rubber bands. She said she would've given her turkey. In my mind HB of O seemed to mimic dog food closer than anything else in our cupboards. Miss Jackson was confused but she ate them. I considered dry pasta. That seemed gross. I seriously want to know what you would've done in my position this morning.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Kids, man.

Kids are bananas. They say stuff. Crazy stuff. Stuff that floors me. My brother and sister-in-law have been sending me the highlight interactions of their day. They're middle school teachers. Middle schoolers say things like, "Ummm, Mrs. Wiiiiiise, it's my uncle's birthday tonight. He's 18, but we are gonna celebrate like he's 16."

Toddlers, like Coop here on the right, say things like, "I don't like carrots.....but I love to dance." If any of you are searching for a book title, Coop just hooked you up. As a writer, I will work that line into something somewhere someday. Call it a vow.

Somebody should make a show where kids say stuff. Darndest type stuff. Stuff that deserves a Jello Pop.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Location location location

So we've assembled a "film crew" for our upcoming Christmas Experience currently titled: The {RE} gifter. It's an interactive film followed by an interactive sculpture exhibit. I think we have over 50 volunteers so far just on the film side of things. I went out with part of the core team today to check out our shoot locations. Our location scout, Donna Hern did a fantastic job. She found killer spots that require little to no set dressing and they're all located in Norwood. The absolute best spot she found was the house pictured below. We needed a creepy looking garage and Donna found us a creepy garage. The only problem is we don't have permission. The owner doesn't live there and Donna is kind of sure she'll say no. So the old Brad would've said, "We're going guerilla. Only wieners need permission." I would've told the crew to wear sneakers and carb up in case we decide to go for a spontaneous run (away). But the new Brad, strangely enough, had visions of the Norwood police showing up and hauling us all off to Norwood's jail full of Norwood people. Yikes. I imagined my volunteer crew staring at me with their big, sad eyes as a moustachioed cop gave me the ole what for and new bracelets.

So today, in a moment of mature leadership, I decided that we'd go legit with this one. I will pick up the phone and explain to this absent owner that I want her creepy garage to star in my film. I will offer her baked goods. Then furs. Then money. And if that doesn't work then perhaps the guerilla option will find its way back onto the table. I'll have the costume folks arrange matching sneakers.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Attention Artistas

Attention local artistas. If you have the creative ability take random junk and make beautiful things like this then I'd like you to know about an upcoming gathering of people like you. This coming week I'm getting a dump truck(s) full of recycling and hand-picked junk from Rumpke delivered to vcc. I’m inviting you to come turn this junk into something beautiful. Come any time between 5:30-8pm on Thurs. the 13th to the warehouse section behind the STUDENT UNION. Just drive your car around to the backside of the building. We’ll probably have a few of these gatherings so if you can’t make the first one please email me at wise@vineyardcincinnati.com

You're wondering why. I can sense it. It's for our upcoming Christmas show called The {RE}gifter. I need a couple hundred artists to help me pull off something amazing.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Terror Alert

Add these two carnivores to your terrorist watch list. Code: Red Tide. They're angry and agile. But only in water. They're awkward and loaf-like on land. So, if you're holding armfuls of fish or guitar hero cheat codes drop them and find a forest. Or helicopter. Their bark is as loud as their bite.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A Few Thousand Words from the Northside

There's much I could say about this first image. I took these on a bike ride to Cincinnat's Northside. I am compelled to just let the pixels do the talking. But will say one thing. At this abandoned lot/field there was this feeling that hope might be breaking out or maybe breaking thru in unfamiliar territory. Perhaps people are walking by this lot today with a new giddyup in their step thinking, Yes we can.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Night Fever

VanDammit, this guy can dance. Send him through this groove gauntlet and watch as he works the same move to perfection for every song. He's like a confident pastry chef who knows he makes a good lemon meringue so regardless of the setting he's making meringue. And it's delicious. E'rey time.

SeeqPod - Playable Search

And who says disco is dead?

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Batman vs. Shark

Holy sardines.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Two decades ago I would've sold everything to follow this guy. He could've been that super cool exchange student who came over and changed everything at Krout Elementary. We would've stopped playing mindless games like football and more football and started skateboarding and listening to music that was popular in America eight years earlier.

This swimmin' terrorist is on my watch list. Level orange.

Am I nuts or does the guy in the left corner look like Tom "the yo yo man" Smothers' asian twin?

This photo makes me feel very uneasy. Like any minute something terrible is going to happen. Like these puppies are going to melt into a mochachino or get mauled by a soggy tiger. They're just waaaaaaay too cute to just sit there and continue with their oppressive cuteness. It's like the opening scene of a horror movie that can't afford actors. Some form of ruination is about to befall these poor pups.

It's a door, Jackass. Open it.

The universe can sleep tonight. The peace agreement we've all been waiting for has been reached. Space travel can resume. Cue Stevie Wonder song.