"" bshawise: Dear Brian Kelly

Friday, December 11, 2009

Dear Brian Kelly

Dear BK,

Part of me wants you to know that you're a big turd. I can't wait for your press conference where you'll talk about how you had to put your family first. I feel you, man. It must've been hard living on millions of dollars in a city that adores you. Things will clearly be better in some hick town in Indiana. The hub of impatient, self-righteous, rich white people. You're so selfless for moving your family to these greener acres.

All of me understands why'd you leave. It's the "how" that really bothers people with feelings. And all of me marvels at your rise to success. You clearly had a plan and man...you freaking did it. You're at the top. Ish. Nostalgia holds a powerful grip on this country of ours. So you're at the "top" because of conservative America's golden memories. Hurry up and win every game ever though. Those memories are burning holes in billionaires' pockets.

I have two hopes for you. One, I think I hope you succeed. For a few moments yesterday I wanted that Indiana black hole to swallow you up. But this morning, I don't think want that. I really am fascinated to see you work your magic. My main hope is that your magic turns into class. I hope your words become true and mean something. I hope the politician in you becomes a person. A person who garners others' trust and learns how to protect such a precious gift. Then you really will be on top.


bww said...

Dear brad,

I understand your pain, and even your disdain towards me. However, let me ask you this. Have you ever left a job for another for greener acres? If someone came along and said here is your dream job on a silver platter, oh by the way you can triple your current salary. But brad what if that job came with a stipulation, you had to leave right now, before your Christmas play or you don't get it. Would you say something like it was hard to leave and your family loved it here. And so on? So don't hate me because I'm doing what all americans do it's just that my job comes with a higher profile. Besides, what did you expect? I've suceeded and left every program I've been at. Look at those programs now, they are both still winning championships. Instead of hate for me respect the fact that I've achieved my life long dream and void yourself of the bitter taste in your mouth. Replace it with excitement about the next guy.


bshawise said...

BK, shut up you doof.

tyler said...

Wow dude... B.Kell actually reads your blog. Nutso. Well shoot, now that I've got his ears...

Dear Brian. I'm 30! I'm a man! Wait, I regress. What I meant to say is that I'm 30 and while it may be foggy and gray, I remember being 17. Now, I don't ever remember being a phenomenally talented 17 year old, but bear with me. See Brian, you and other coaches promise worlds in order to garner the trust of a phenomenally talented 17... hell, let's be honest... 15 year old whose only "world" is the sport they've played and practiced since birth just so you can use him/her in your game of chess. Your game of chess on the football field (which, admittedly, you seem to have mastered nicely) and the game of chess that is your career. "I'm 12-0... your move." But these aren't plastic pieces sitting on 64 squares. These are people... KIDS... that entrust YOU with their world.

And if it really was about the dream job, then would it be so absurd for you and your peers to "sit out" a year in between coaching stints... much like the student-athletes you coach are required to do? This coaching shuffle that happens this time every year needs to stop. This is about one thing, MONEY. It's not about dream jobs and it's not about the kids. It's about getting YOUR page published in the annals of college football.

But then again, maybe it is about the dream job and you actually wouldn't mind sitting out a year if it meant that you still were able to coach at ND. And if that were the case, then I think you could get behind some kind of lame duck period so that rich alumni looking for instant gratification can't always get their way.


John Arns said...

Dear BK,

I feel badly for the players. These guys looked up to you as their role model and now I'm sure they feel betrayed and abandoned. And before they have time to mentally process the devastating news, they now they have to shrug all their emotions aside while preparing to play the big game in New Orleans. surely it won't hurt their performance, right ?

What a morale booster...