"" bshawise: BESTOV '09: old fashioned barter

Thursday, January 7, 2010

BESTOV '09: old fashioned barter

So you want to barter with the Amish, huh? Feeling lucky? Feeling like you want some of their simple bounty? Maybe some butter. Or cheese. Or a wooden rocker. There's a few ground rules to trading with the Amish.

1. Never, and I mean never look them in the eyes. They will steal your soul so fast you won't even know it happened.
2. They haven't seen AVATAR. So...don't even ask.
3. They hate Weird Al. If you bring up his name they will churn you to pieces.

With those rules in mind, I entered into Amish barterdom this summer and left with a BESTOV: Amish Pear Butter. This simple spread has changed my life. It's perfectly sweet with a tender tartness that tickles your taste buds. It goes on everything. I've put it on ham and cheese melts, turkey wraps, peanut butter english muffins, waffles, sausage mcmuffins, pretzels, fingers, bagels, I could go on and on. It's the perfect sweet to pair with savory. It's pear paste and it's gooooooood.

And the great thing....all you need is money for the trade. The Amish will give you a jar of this angel spread in exchange for a couple greenbacks. I know you're thinking, "Yeah, right." You're thinking, "Don't I have to bring some furs and muskets to trade with those Amish?" I'm here to tell you that you don't. They are interested in one thing and one thing only: making salads out of your pocket cabbage. Help them help you. That's what a good barter is all about. Buy some pear butter the next time you run into the Amish. Thank me with a nice email, or name a star after me, or buy me a segway. Whatever. It's your call.


Christopher Day said...

The Amish barcode? What's next, barns that raise themselves?

John Arns said...


I consider a close second to be amish honey apple butter that I found this fall at Keim's family market in Adams County.