Strangely Rad

If there were a button that could make everything strangely rad, you would press it wouldn't you? I would. And I bet mounty cops would instantly be mounted on zebras instead of boring old brown steeds. I also bet that everyone who didn't already have their collar popped would get popped. Everyone who owned Corollas would own El Caminos. The rascal-driving elderly would get blessed with ground effects and murdered out rims. Bears would develop meat allergies and adhere to a strict honey diet that their friend Pooh has been pushing for years. Christopher Robin could finally go to Pooh's family reunions and not worry about death. Accordion sales would skyrocket and save our economy. Kids everywhere could polka outside of their closets. We'd see more moose around our neighborhoods. They'd give a friendly nod whenever we pointed at them. You'd learn to BMX if you always wanted to as a kid but were too busy delivering newspapers and selling lemonade to even think about hobbies. I bet those people exist. And I can't say for sure, but I'd bet a nickel the Frito Kid would become everyone's mailman. He'd hand you your bills and a pouch of corn chips and you'd share a laugh about this crazy mixed-up world.


(my blood sugar might be low)