"" bshawise: The League of Elite Bros

Friday, September 4, 2009

The League of Elite Bros

I'm in the process of starting a brand new hall of fame. There's halls for sports and pretty much everything else under the sun. I'd like to start one for Elite Bros. These bros are aces among a world of pawns. They're the coolest, raddest, baddest bros to ever live. Here's a few nominees the committee is considering this year.

Check out the hair gradient on those thighs. Elite.

Magic potion came out of that horn. Everyone in that club that night turned into the coolest person they knew. For like a week. Then it wore off. But still.

Howl at the moon? More like own the moon. Take a trip to spaceland and this guy will make you pay a toll. He also sleeps standing up. Elite.

He almost makes you want lung cancer.

He's awesome at basketball, dancing and surfing on vans. He's a teenager dealing with puberty and wolferty. That's a lot to manage.

I'm not afraid to admit RDJ is my man crush. Dear Diary, RDJ eats oranges like an apple. Make a note to do the same next time I'm around citrus. XOXOXO bw

Zorro is the most super elite of all superhero bros. Unlike the wannabe elite bro, Superman, both of Zorro's personas are cool. All graffiti artists bow down to Zorro. He tags with swords and fire. Enough said.

I'm not sure if RoboCop was all make believe or just an actor who got REALLY type-casted and hence hasn't gotten any work since. Either way he's tamed this unicorn which as we all know, is the most elite of all horses due to its built-in spear.

Bo knows. He's been knowing stuff for so long it's bananas. He was seeing dead people long before Haley Joel. He was all, "Bruce Willis is dead, people. Wake up. That's the M. Night's big twist. La dee da." Just look at this poster. It's like sportsporn for bros.

Second to Miles Davis, Steve McQueen is the coolest cat to ever step off a hot tin roof. He drove fast cars super fast to meet fast women in fast cities. He could make a Toyota Corsica look rad.

The Gator Whisperer. He spoke their language. Legend goes that he turned some into dancers (the charleston, mostly) and others telegraph operators. G-Dub was odd, but elite.

Nolan threw two kinds of dairy. 1. The High Cheese. 2. Ear Cheddar. He's baseball's Daniel Boone.

Lasers shoot from his eyes. This is a no brainer.

This guy taught this bear how to ride a motorbike and lived long enough to watch happen. My hunch is, once the training wheels came off for this pic, the bear packed his trainer and a loaf of rye into a picnic basket and took off for the Hamptons. The hero sandwich was born.

The first rule of fight club is Tyler Durden looks best shirtless. But his sense of style is so rad that every now and again you don't mind if he's clothed. But mostly you want him to pop that shirt and go skins.


Anonymous said...

I love this post because Tyler Durden made it into the Hall of Fame. I second that nomination. And I would like to add the caveat that he must always go shirtless.

And Steve McQueen.

So, I think those two are now officially in... right?

John Arns said...

I'd like to place a third nomination for Steve McQueen.

bww said...

I really hope that is how the hero was invented. If so, there is a marketing supernova ready to go ka-boom

St said...

I love this post. Love it.

Anonymous said...

Toyota Corsica? Now you are inventing cars? Genius just reeks.

bshawise said...

yeah, i screwed that up. i meant corolla. it was meant to be a slam on a friend by the name of joe. i blew it.