"" bshawise: Man vs. Animal Flu

Monday, September 28, 2009

Man vs. Animal Flu

This weekend I was in Omaha, NE for my cousin's wedding and not only did I have to deal with the language barrier, but I'm pretty sure I have squirrel flu. It's not as bad as pig flu but it's worse than your average cold. I maintained a steady intake of uppers, downers, herbs, dietary metallic elements and vitamins just to stay functional. It was a blitzkrieg of liquid confusion that half worked. But, I managed to rally and even dance a little at the reception.

I've decided two things. 1. Once I'm over this I don't want to ever get sick ever never ever again. 2. We all need to start washing our hands like we have OCD. This is a new leaf for me. I've never been an advocate for hand-washing. I'm not opposed to it, obviously. It just hasn't been a priority. Until now. All it took was for my body to get held hostage by squirrel flu to realize how much I dislike germs. And what I realized is that sick people are everywhere. They are touching things with their germ-covered hands. Things that you're going to touch. Then you're gonna get sick and touch things and the vicious germfest gains strength, disables humanity and squirrels and pigs take over the world. Our only defense is hand-washing.

Leah taught me this weekend that you're supposed to wash your hands for :30 seconds. And we're supposed to do that ten times a day. Is that insane or what? They say you should sing the happy birthday song while you scrub. I really hate that song. I won't sing it at your birthday no matter how much I love you. So I found another song option. Sing about Johny, wash those hands obsessively and let's beat this onslaught of animal influenza. The primal, evil genius of birds, squirrels and pigs won't be able to defeat us if we hold our clean hands together.


Jon said...

There are a ton of squirrels in Omaha. They even have creepy black squirrels. Dark...black...squirrels.

Clizzzarke said...

If I ever hear that song come out of your mouth, I will slap the taste out of it.

Kristi said...

I had squirrel flu this weekend too. It sucked. I think I know who we got it from at work.

Rondell said...

That's your own fault for not washing your hands and petting up on them squirrels. I always carry up in my purse a king size bottle of Purell to keep them nasty germs away from my mouth. I suggest you go to your local pharmacy and buy some so you don't get this flu again.