"" bshawise: Canada's Closing Remarks

Monday, March 1, 2010

Canada's Closing Remarks

I loved the Winter Olympics this year. I was blown away by Canada. Over the past couple weeks I considered moving to Vancouver. It looks amazing. I find the name Whistler so appealing that I want to ride a train there tomorrow. Canada knocked my American socks off. Then the closing ceremonies happened. All those prejudices I abandoned about Canadians being moose-punching, beer-drinking, maple syrup-covered snowbillies turned out to be the truth. When given their final shot at putting the exclamation on a two week, successful re-branding of their country they blew it. Literally. They blew up giant beavers and moose and mounties and bragged about saying "sorry" too much and let us know in a big way that we were right all along. They're a bunch of doofuses. Yesterday we found out (painfully) they're awesome at hockey and awkward goodbyes.

So nice try, Canards. You almost tricked me into believing I had you wrong all these years. Crazy goofballs.


10 Gallon Bucket said...

Although the 2% crime rate is still tempting.

bshawise said...

joe, those numbers are misleading. it's a 2% successful crime rate. so when a carnard accidentally grabs a pancake instead of a gun on his way to a failed bank robbery and eventual arrest it doesn't count towards crime. and that happens A LOT.

John Arns said...

i'd think twice now before consuming their ginger ale and bacon.

bshaw said...

Did I miss something, or did NBC suddenly just cut away to that incredibly stupid show of Jerry Seinfeld's? No good bye, no nothing other than maybe quiet embarrassment for Canadians everywhere.

You forgot to mention the moth-girls whose job was to furl and unfurl moth wings around themselves while hanging from wires.

Can you imagine the planning meeting? "Hey, I know, let's make, like 5 or 6 giant inflatable beavers, throw in a couple of moose and have some guys dressed as lumberjacks drag them around and around the floor for 30 minutes. That'll be cool." Right?"

"Yeah, and we can stamp "Made In Canada on the ass of the beaver!"