"" bshawise: Clarke + Orwig

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Clarke + Orwig

Stuff I saw at my brother and sister-in-law's wedding:

Boobs. Yep. 50 year old floppers to be more exact. We were getting our pictures taken outside the hotel and some lady thought windows only work one way. She stood inches from the glass and watched us pose on church steps as she put her bra on. Five guys all at once said, "Did we just see....? Were those....?"

Doubt. As always, mothers of the bride never believe I can legally officiate their daughter's wedding. I've done three now and each time they've asked: "So you're sure you can legally do this...?"

Cry babies. Everywhere I looked people were crying. I had to dig deep to not join the tear party as Jana walked down the aisle. Not only because was she beautiful and smiling with a reckless abandon that made you dizzy with shared joy. But behind me were over 20 guys and gals doing that laugh/cry thing. And then beside me was Justin doing his best to ignore the tiny creek streaming down his cheek.

Am I a rapper?

Haters. I saw (and heard) a shocking number of people who truly hate my hair. I was seriously told the following things:

You look like a lesbian.
Take your wig off.
You look like you're wearing a bad piece.
Did Jana ask you to cut your hair? 'Cause that's a deal breaker.
You were so cute with a shaved head.
You look like John Mayer.
Why are you doing this?
Oh...wow...you have hair.

Embarrassed Aunts. Dr. Dad John Clarke was the best man and in his speech he told the story of when Justin was little and stole his Aunt Patty's maxi-pads and used them as soccer shin guards. When the doctor found them inside his son's socks Justin explained it was no big deal. "She has a whole box of em, dad!" Aunt Patty had never heard that story. She also doesn't love the spotlight and didn't know she and her pads were going to be featured.

N'Sync Redeux. The good doctor heard the DJ spin "Bye Bye Bye," and like a moth to the flame, he got sucked out onto the dance floor for a repeat performance of this infamous dance. It was like riding a bike for the old man and he dazzled the crowd yet again.

Unselfish Happiness. This might be my favorite part of weddings. Everyone was just sooooo happy. For Justin and Jana. I'm guessing the phrase, "I'm so happy for you guys!!!!" got shouted a billion times that night. It feels good to spend an evening being happy for someone else. Throw in a little wine, good food and dancing....hoo boy. Heaven.

I saw heaven this weekend. And it was pretty great.


Christopher Day said...

For the record, I don't think your hair looks like a lesbian. However, it may look a little like this:


bshawise said...


i'm making that my ringtone for when leah calls.

jmjana said...

you are freaking awesome.