"" bshawise: Dumby

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


If the proof wasn't in the "pudding" I accidentally dropped in the wrong powder room. Then I really did it this time.

Saturday morning I was upstairs doing a couple honey-dos before going to Nippert Stadium for the Cats' opener. I had Pandora playing on my iPhone in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. The office door was closed so I did what every total moron would do. I freed up my left hand by balancing the iPhone on top of the coffee mug. When I reached for the door knob...

Sploosh. iCreamer.

I yelped. Like a scared granny. I pulled my soaking phone out of the mug. Pandora was no longer playing. I ran downstairs and got online to find out what to do. Step one: Don't turn it on. Step two: Don't turn it on. Step three: Shake it dry.

So I started shaking it real good. And....accidentally broke the first two rules. I hit the power button, it turned on and fizzled off. I am seriously so dumb.

After 36 hours of drying in a bowl of rice (internet suggested), I drove to the Apple store on Monday. While in the mall parking lot I finished up a call on my loaner phone. I went into the store, failed at garnering enough sympathy to give me a free phone, and left with my iPaperweight.

I reached into my pockets for my car keys and they're weren't there. I left them in the ignition. I walked to the parking lot quite certain that my Jeep would be stolen. I had a vision of Letterman having me on his show for a segment called "Dumbest Dumdums Ever." He'd say, "So Brad, hee hee hee, you dropped your iPhone in your coffee mug, hee hee hee, and then when you went to get it fixed you left your keys in the ignition and your car got stolen?" I'd shake my head yes. Then that bald canadian would sing "It's Raining Dumb." I'd leave shamed.

Luckily, I still have my Jeep. No thieves in Kenwood that morning. And I still have my dead iPhone. What I don't have is a good feeling about my brain. It seems stupider as of late. I guess I blame the sugardiabetuss. (but not really)


Clarke said...

i know this post is about how dumb you are... but i feel the need to ignore that & share that richard simmons on letterman is on of my favorite things

Wolfenberger said...

My favorite thing is the way Wilford Brimley says the word Diabetes and am forever grateful that someone else has noted it. Hiring Wilford Brimley to be your spokesperson for your Diabetes Equipment Corporation is like hiring George Bush to be the spokesperson for your Nuclear Power Company.