Upcoming Film Project

We're gonna make a movie this fall (September 27-October 9) and if you're into that sort of thing, there's probably a way you can help. First, what's the film about?

I'm glad you asked.

It's about a one-armed, lion-tamer named Gus who hates crime.

It's about a teenager who never gets the girls. But then he finds out he's a werewolf who's really good at basketball and dancing and boom- human girl magnet.

It's about a pigeon.

Sorry. Here's the actual synopsis.

FENCES

Josh, a young white social worker, moves into a predominately African American neighborhood in Cincinnati. His next-door neighbor is George, a recently retired African American who doesn’t exactly welcome Josh into the neighborhood.

Over the course of one day, through a series of misinterpreted events, both Josh and George learn that in order to really become neighbors they are going to have to do the hard work of getting to know each other. Blurring (and sometimes crossing) the lines of racism and prejudice, both men discover that the real healing will only come in time…one genuine conversation at a time.

This movie is what they call a No-Budget film. We've been hustling the streets, begging, borrowing and stealing to get this sucker off the ground. We're making progress. But still need help.

We need people who can make a meal for a cast and crew of 15-20 hard working people. Or if you know a restaurant owner who could do the same...

We need boxes of energy-boosting snacks and drinks (granola bars, fruit snacks, fun-sized things, etc)

We need to talk to the owner/manager of the following places for locations:
Hotel
Convenience store (just need the exterior)
Gas station (exterior and a bathroom)
Car Wash
Suburban house with a patio room (or room with LOTS of windows) and laundry room

We need people who'd be willing to look thru a website listing all the props we need and loan/give us said props. (that website will hopefully be up next week)

We need someone who'd be willing to loan us a car for the out of town actors to use on their off days.

We need prayer. Lots of it. Excessive amounts of it.

We need doppler 5 to promise us there'll be no rain.

If you can help with any of these things, please email us at: film@vineyardcincinnati.com. Put what you can help with in the subject line.

Clarke + Orwig

Stuff I saw at my brother and sister-in-law's wedding:

Boobs. Yep. 50 year old floppers to be more exact. We were getting our pictures taken outside the hotel and some lady thought windows only work one way. She stood inches from the glass and watched us pose on church steps as she put her bra on. Five guys all at once said, "Did we just see....? Were those....?"

Doubt. As always, mothers of the bride never believe I can legally officiate their daughter's wedding. I've done three now and each time they've asked: "So you're sure you can legally do this...?"

Cry babies. Everywhere I looked people were crying. I had to dig deep to not join the tear party as Jana walked down the aisle. Not only because was she beautiful and smiling with a reckless abandon that made you dizzy with shared joy. But behind me were over 20 guys and gals doing that laugh/cry thing. And then beside me was Justin doing his best to ignore the tiny creek streaming down his cheek.

Am I a rapper?

Haters. I saw (and heard) a shocking number of people who truly hate my hair. I was seriously told the following things:

You look like a lesbian.
Take your wig off.
You look like you're wearing a bad piece.
Did Jana ask you to cut your hair? 'Cause that's a deal breaker.
You were so cute with a shaved head.
You look like John Mayer.
Why are you doing this?
Oh...wow...you have hair.

Embarrassed Aunts. Dr. Dad John Clarke was the best man and in his speech he told the story of when Justin was little and stole his Aunt Patty's maxi-pads and used them as soccer shin guards. When the doctor found them inside his son's socks Justin explained it was no big deal. "She has a whole box of em, dad!" Aunt Patty had never heard that story. She also doesn't love the spotlight and didn't know she and her pads were going to be featured.

N'Sync Redeux. The good doctor heard the DJ spin "Bye Bye Bye," and like a moth to the flame, he got sucked out onto the dance floor for a repeat performance of this infamous dance. It was like riding a bike for the old man and he dazzled the crowd yet again.

Unselfish Happiness. This might be my favorite part of weddings. Everyone was just sooooo happy. For Justin and Jana. I'm guessing the phrase, "I'm so happy for you guys!!!!" got shouted a billion times that night. It feels good to spend an evening being happy for someone else. Throw in a little wine, good food and dancing....hoo boy. Heaven.

I saw heaven this weekend. And it was pretty great.

Tables Confuse The Hound

Maybe it's her way of conquering her height-deficiency? Video below.

Download now or watch on posterous

IMG_0604.MOV (3256 KB)

Posted via email from Brad's posterous

5-Minute Theory: Justice = Snipe Hunting

Crank that kitchen timer. I have five minutes to stew my juicy theory.

Wise-ass uncles trick anyone they can with old dodgeries like, "Hey...wanna go snipe hunting?" Then they get you all fired up for chasing the elusive snipe through the woods. Then they laugh in between sips of Budweiser about snipe not being a real thing. Classic.

Our relentless desire for justice is like hunting for snipe. It's silly because we can run through endless woods and we'll never find it. We have a insatiable need for justice. Fairness. When we're kids we're constantly clamoring about something not being fair. As adults we experience jealousy, depression, anger, bitterness, apathy when so and so gets something that we feel they don't deserve. We want things to be right. Every one of us has a tiny Judge Judy living in our stomach who bangs that gavel around when we see or experience something that isn't fair.

Well, life's not fair. It'd be sweet if it was. Just like it'd be sweet if every little kid had a hat made of snipe and mouth full of chewing tobacco. Davey Crocket style.

Man that time went fast. I should consider making it a ten minute theory.

Matchmaker

I know I'm old fashioned, but I believe every image on the internet has an audio soulmate. Pictures and sound were made for each other. The internet is a hard place for images and sound to meet sometimes. But sometimes love happens. Connection happens. I hooked these two up today. They were once just dust in the wind. Now they're a pair. I'm a matchmaker. I make matches. Find finds. Catch catches. Am I a hero? Probably. But a humble one. Unlike that Captain Sully Turkeyburger.

Baehr-Cat

Here's how the Bearcat came to be according to legend and UC's information services.

Kentucky was the fifth game of a nine-game schedule in 1914. Throughout four games in September and October, no one had managed to score against the Red & Black. Kentucky was the first real competition for Coach George Little's squad, and the students were eager for a good game.

At this time, the UC team had no real nickname. The teams were known variously as "Varsity," the "Cincinnati Eleven," the "Red & Black" and the coach's "boys," as in "Dana's Boys" or "Little's Boys." Mascots were uncommon among college football teams back then, and UC had no mascot, although a curious bulldog, clad in a "C" sweater and miniature hat, was depicted throughout the athletic sections of the yearbooks.

A new era was born when Kentucky came to town. The Wildcats were a formidable team and UC was struggling. During the second half of the game, cheerleader Norman "Pat" Lyon, building on the efforts of fullback Leonard K. "Teddy" Baehr, created a new chant: "They may be Wildcats, but we have a Baehr-cat on our side."

The crowd took up the cry: "Come on, Baehr-cat!" Cincinnati prevailed, 14-7, and the victory was memorialized in a cartoon published on the front page of the student newspaper, the weekly University News, for Nov. 3. The cartoon, by John "Paddy" Reece, depicted nine vignettes from the game. Front and center is a bedraggled Kentucky Wildcat being chased by a creature labeled "Cincinnati Bear Cats." Reece was certainly inspired by his editor - the same "Pat" Lyon who led the "Baehr-cat" cheer.


Leonard K. "Teddy" Baehr

Farmer Gone Wild

5-Minute Theory: The Worstest Ever

Wind up the clock. Here we go.

In the history of the world there has never been anything as bad, terrible, brain-melting horrible as Olive Garden commercials. Not even Hitler. I don't need 4:45 min. to expound. The end.

Food Video with Leah

I'm a lucky dude.

Mustachioed Baby

Question: Is this the most amazing video ever made?

Answer: Maybe?