"" bshawise: Technicolor Yawn

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Technicolor Yawn

Leah and I have a friend. She will remain nameless for her protection. This friend has a few things in common with these pandas. She's cute. She has the ability to murder but abstains. She likes bamboo. As a plant and building material. Not food. The above pictured pandas have rainbows shooting out their mouths. You're thinking gay rights and this post is about my gay friend. Nope. Some of you are thinking they scream happiness and fill the world with leprechaun bridges and pots of gold. Nope again. Although, this friend is married to a descendent of a league of leprechauns. These pandas, like our friend (we'll call her Fannie because I'm tired of writing "friend") have a button on their body that when pushed automatically causes their mouths to open and share a technicolor yawn of bile with the button-pusher. The button for Fannie lies beneath her absent adam's apple. A trigger zone for throw-up. I honestly don't know how I'm going to resist pushing this liquid-rainbow-button of Fannie's. It's like someone saying, if you squeeze my elbow a peppermint patty appears in my palm. If you pull my finger I will pass gas but by "pass gas" I mean produce cotton candy. Who doesn't want peppermint patties and cotton candy? Puke buttons should be top secret because the world is full of curious people unafraid of a sloppy scream. Invest in a metal turtle neck, Fannie. I can't be trusted.


Annie Michael Murphy said...

I want to know this 'Fannie'. She sounds fascinating, a little off but fascinating. And cute too.

John Arns said...

I once knew a 'Fannie' in KY. Whether or not she had anything in common with pandas, though, I don't know. Her last name - and this is the God-honest truth - was Bottom. As God is my witness, I am not lying.