Leah (wife) and I went to the zoo on Sunday. The place is a ticking dirty bomb waiting to explode/maul Cincinnati. I'm certain of one thing. Well, two things but the other is unrelated. But I'm certain the zookeepers are doping. They're pumping their caged warriors full of sleep biscuits at least until closing time. Nearly every beast was snoozing, sitting, slothing or slumping. (that last s-word took a few seconds to think up) Seriously, nearly every animal was on nap time or just lazing around. Coincidence or widespread, narcotic-based mind control? It's simple math, people. Bears do all their sleeping at once. Come spring and summer they're like Pauly Shore on a meth bender ready for action. Ready to team up with Brendon Frasier and create havok. Except for at zoos. At zoos, bears are like grandpas stuffed full of turkey and white wine- sleepy and off in a grumpy/racist dreamland. Mark my words, once this drug scandal is sniffed out and the tranquilizer cocktails stop flowing.... these maniacs are gonna wake up and put on a Cirque de So Long for a bunch of unsuspecting onlookers. A Cirque de Buffet. Cirque de Eat everyone with a camera. Cirque de Tourist casserole. Cirque de Siegfried and Roy got off easy compared to you slurpie-guzzling, nature-loving, meat-filled snacks.
7 comments:
Remember the monkey that escaped like a month ago and attacked some dude in the parking lot?
The revolt has begun.
Ironically, the day before the attack, Liz and I were at the zoo and I commented that any monkey in the Jungle Trails exhibit could leap out of the enclosure and attack someone. I even mentioned the proximity of the parking lot and joked the monkeys could make a run for it.
Prophetic much?
our friend Eddie mentioned that he was worried during the windstorm that one of the trees in the tiger pit could easily fall over and they'd rename the tree the tiger bridge...and soon they'd rename it the path towards running, screaming, loud shirt wearing lunch...
That first pic is the same pic we were taking when the little houligan from a visiting pre-school class was throwing his snack to the approaching bear.
No offense to Eddie, but I'm not a fan of the zoo. I'm not sure if it's just The 'Nati Zoo or all zoos. I feel like it's always so hot, smells like animal waste and uphill no matter where you go. I have a feeling, however, I would love the Columbus Zoo - Just because that Jack Hanna is amazing.
You should have brought a slingshot.
-Zak's brother
animals tend to be skittish when a freaking hurricane comes to their environment. maybe a heads up next time?
I love the zoo, but definitely look over my shoulder when leaving the bears' lairs....never know when they'll zoink into hyper mode.
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