"" bshawise: Two open letters

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Two open letters

Dear Bears,

I fear you. Like a lot. Like Steve Fuller fears lightning. But you may've just got bumped by these sword seals. These seem to travel in packs and practice their swordery on each other. One on one I think you'd still win. But a whole pack? You'd be bear kabob. Be careful out there. These slippery ninjas look mean.


Dear Billionaires,

If you reading this letter I have an idea for you. You know how you buy stuff? Like rad stuff to make your millionaire friends jealous (boats that fly, laser pointers, etc). What if you built an aquarium and loaded it up with these sword seals? That'd make all your sucker friends/MCs with piranha aquariums feel foolish, wouldn't it? Build it on your flying boat and watch em battle each other after you've had a jetski. Actually, don't. They probably have a secret language that would summon their sea-pirate friends and it'd be sinkville for you. Keep em on dry land. You'll still be way rad.



Ira said...

They're narwhal.

Jason Boys said...

Dear Mom,

How dare you tell me that unicorns aren't real? You knew damn well that they simply evolved in to beautiful aquatic creatures once humans began to take over the earth. It was their only choice.

Clizzzarke said...

Hott damn. These are Michael Vick's wet dream. He can't wait to get two of them in a pit.

Steve Fuller said...


John Arns said...

I'd rather have bears. and lightning (cuz i'm not afraid of it anymore...)

John Arns said...

and neither is Steve.

Right, Steve ??

10 Gallon Bucket said...

Bear mace is already invented... but narwhal mace? You're looking at millions of dollars waiting to be made.