Cincy Zoo: doping capital of the underworld

Leah (wife) and I went to the zoo on Sunday. The place is a ticking dirty bomb waiting to explode/maul Cincinnati. I'm certain of one thing. Well, two things but the other is unrelated. But I'm certain the zookeepers are doping. They're pumping their caged warriors full of sleep biscuits at least until closing time. Nearly every beast was snoozing, sitting, slothing or slumping. (that last s-word took a few seconds to think up) Seriously, nearly every animal was on nap time or just lazing around. Coincidence or widespread, narcotic-based mind control? It's simple math, people. Bears do all their sleeping at once. Come spring and summer they're like Pauly Shore on a meth bender ready for action. Ready to team up with Brendon Frasier and create havok. Except for at zoos. At zoos, bears are like grandpas stuffed full of turkey and white wine- sleepy and off in a grumpy/racist dreamland. Mark my words, once this drug scandal is sniffed out and the tranquilizer cocktails stop flowing.... these maniacs are gonna wake up and put on a Cirque de So Long for a bunch of unsuspecting onlookers. A Cirque de Buffet. Cirque de Eat everyone with a camera. Cirque de Tourist casserole. Cirque de Siegfried and Roy got off easy compared to you slurpie-guzzling, nature-loving, meat-filled snacks.

Official Trailer (until we change it)

Official Website

Sarah Palin: The Russia Question

Unbelievably embarrassing. Not only for her and her campaign but our entire election system. The rest of the interview is even worse. I'm moving to Italy. Gonna buy a sack of olive seeds and start growing EVOO. Drink wine. Eat cheese. Say italian stuff to Leah as we zip around on a Vespa. I can't handle this madness.


Read all the comments on this video here.

A Romance in Lower Mathematics

My friend, colleague, fellow olympian, Paul Smiley shared this gem with me. You will be glad that you spent 600 seconds watching this retro delight. Enjoy.

BoomFoxy

In Heaven, next to the bouncing elephants, there are herds of these guys filling the streets with their hi-fi foxy tunes.

Yearbook Yourself

A co-worker shared this website with me. It's amazing. You upload a pic of yourself and this magical time machine transports you to another era. So... go yearbook yourself right this moment and email me your favorite. I want to post them here so we can all enjoy. So if I could make you do this I would. But I can't. Legally. Or technically. If not for me then do it for Marty McFly.


ps. our power came back on today (sunday) at noon. one full week sans 'lectric.

Time-Space Travelers:
I can't figure out how to put names beside the pics. So...sorry.

I Promise You...

Monday, after cleaning up the explosion of tree guts irresponsibly splashed all over our neighborhood, Banjo Boyd and I drove deep into Kentuckyland. We dropped off our freshly finished documentary "film" in a trendy little neighborhood in Louisville. It's a freshman film festival that had over four-hundred films submitted. The home office is a bridal shop. The best part of the trip (besides singing songs the whole way down and back) was going to Lonnie's Best of Chicago. They specialize in all beef delights that I guess hail from the WindyCity. They gave us samples of hot and sloppy italian beef in tiny cups and thought nothing of giving us a fork. I almost drank the juice it was so good. Anyways... we found out our "film" was accepted. It's the story of our travels from Jerusalem, Ohio to Emmaus, PA. We set out trying to find out if God still walks with folks and found out that he does. It's going to be fascinating to find out (this post has a lotta F words) what strangers think of us and our story. But here are a few things I promise...

1. When I win an OscarEmmy I will never EVER forget all you small, borderline insignificant people.

2. I will sign as many autographs as you want as long as you're not selling them on ebay. Unless I get a cut. Then it's game on.

3. I will never EVER move to France to avoid the press.

4. I will never allow Entertainment Television to exploit you just to produce my True Hollywood Story. I will protect you like a junkyard dog.

5. I will get you backstage tickets for U2. I will fight for you like Celine Dion fights for love.

6. I will share my yacht.....with other famous people. Not you. Get real.

7. I will never dangle my children from a balcony unless they're super into it and promise not to get dropped.

8. I will probably hire someone to kill and stuff a bear and tell Entertainment Television that I totally did it.

9. I will build Leah a bowling alley in our basement. A promise I made on our wedding day.

10. I will dance like no one is watching. I hope you will too. I hope you dance.

Stop the Madness

Well, we still don't have power. Work does. So I'm back. Here. Changing the world and all that. I went out for a bike ride yesterday. Saw some craziness. Murdered trees everywhere. Telephone poles with broken backs. 24 hour restaurants made liars. But, the craziest thing I saw was this billboard. An egg dreams of getting slapped between salty dead pigs and processed cheese to get devoured by human beings? I don't think so, Clark. An egg wants to grow up and become a freaking chicken. It wants to run around the barnyard peckin' at stuff. I'm guessing it might want to court a proud (but humble) rooster. I'm no animal activist (I eat most all of them), but out of all the madness I saw strewn about the city this billboard shocked me the most. I love McMuffins as much if not more than the next guy, but I'm not going to wax poetic that the baby egg gave its life because it dreamed of one day being in my belly. That's crazy talk.

Dance Dance Revolution

My old buddy Dwayne Dallas Wilson sent this video to me. He thought it'd be a good one to incorporate at the Vineyard. He has an eye for these kinds of things. By that I mean an eye for excellence, style, sass, top notch poppin' and/or lockin'. Check it.

Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog

This may be old news. I have no idea. I just found it. And oh man, it's good gravy. You better believe I'm going to figure out a way to copy this idea for work. Neil Patrick Harris is so good. If you don't watch him on "How I Met Your Mother" you so should....dude. Anyways, here's a clip from Dr. Horrible. You can watch the whole thing here if you want. But please, do yourself a favor and at least watch this entire clip. That means you, Leah. It's long and it'll probably take awhile to load and you have to watch an ad...but it's worth it. Promise.