"" bshawise: Freaking USC

Friday, January 2, 2009

Freaking USC

While I'm on the topic of College Football.....

I hate/love USC. I hate how laid back they are. How they dance around on the sidelines, hugging each other with their long, Herbal Essence hair flopping around like they just got back from surfing. I hate/love how Pete Carroll looks like he smokes weed with his players on Sundays while they recollect their shining moments both on and off the field. I hate how their band plays the same song for three hours straight and their fans obsessively throw their modified peace sign in the air. I hate that more than I used to hate the Seminole chop. I hate how they have ten running backs that would start for the Browns right now. I hate that after the game they probably have drum circles, sing love songs to each other and make plans to meet up for yoga later. I hate that they have a monopoly on recruiting Hawaiians and Samoans. Midwestern teams deserve to have players with wild hair and tribal tattoos. I hate that super cool celebrities are second class citizen compared to the back up punters. I hate that Pete Carroll probably ends each recruiting trip slow dancing with the recruit's mom to Marvin Gaye songs. I hate that the recruit's dad probably takes pictures and sends them to his friends. I hate that they warm up to Shel Silverstein poems on audio book before moving on to original hip hop produced by the defensive line. I hate that after practice the wide receivers teach the coaching staff how to pick up super models.

And what really pisses me off, I mean reeeeeeeeeeally makes me angry, is that if I had a son or daughter who was about to go to college, I'd buy them all kinds of Herbal Essences and Marvin Gaye albums and all but force them to go to freaking USC with the hope that maybe one day I could end up in a drum circle with Pete talking about where the sidewalk ends.


Christopher Day said...

USC is like Air Jordans. And I had to wear LA Gear. USC is Levi 501 Blues while I wore Jordache. USC is, was and always will be Marsha. I am Jan.

PS: Am I the only guy that doesn't wear underwear under his swimming trunks? I don't get it. I buy the ones with netting just so I don't have to. I don't get board shorts. Are they for swimming/surfing? Then where's the mesh parachute for skydiver?

Dan Kalbach said...

Pete Carroll,

If you google your name (which I'm sure you probably do on a daily basis) and you fell upon this blog, then hear this: real surfers go commando, Pete. You're a poser. You've probably never hung ten in your entire life.

Go hang out with Will Ferrell and talk about how you both have two R's and and two L's in your surname.

Joe said...

Dear Coach Carroll,

Again, when you grow tired of googling yourself and try an Ask Jeeves Search and find this page sometime in the future, I'd like for you to know a few things.

1. I'm a lifelong Buckeye fan - grew up five miles from the horseshoe in c-bus.
2. I have two young sons who may be division one football candidates in the future.
3. If you come visit us someday, you may dance with my wife (so long as I can take a picture), and then you can have my sons...not as football recruits. I'll just give them to you if you want them because you are Pete Carroll, and like Chris, I don't wear underwear with my swimming trunks either.

Steve Fuller said...

Who wears underwear, period?