City Iron

One of my favorite human beings on the earthplanet has started a weblog. I would like it if all y'all consistently frequented said blog, linked to said blog and told all your friends who could purchase ornamental iron masterpieces to go to said blog. This blacksmith artisan promises to share tales of a world many of us will never enter due to our lack of manliness.


Steve, I just sent you like 3 million readers. Don't be surprised if you become insanely rich and the most powerful iron man in the world.

Golden Oldies

I'm doing research. I'm writing scenes with old people in a retirement home. You can help me. I'd love to hear about your favorite quirky tidbits of your favorite old people. Leah's grandma kept jewelry in the freezer. That's pretty interesting. My grandpa eats things like cow tongue and squirrel brains. He's also colorblind so before he was remarried he ended up in some pretty good outfits. Whatchu got? Anything and everything would interest me. Favorite catchphrases, good stories, strange things they always did after a few drinks, etc. etc. No joke, it could seriously end up in a movie someday. Worst that could happen is you reminisce a little.

Frustrating Logic

I just read an article in ESPN the magazine about Jameer Nelson (pro basketballer). He noticed that all the big stars never get frustrated on the court. So he started boxing because "nothing is more frustrating than getting punched in the face." As I showered (sorry ladies and Fuller for causing your imaginations to drift) I tried to decide if I agreed with Jameer. I've been punched in the face a few times. It was definitely frustrating. "But the most frustrating?" I asked myself as I washed my 2,000 parts. And just then I hit my head on the on the ceramic towel holder mistakenly installed inside our shower. Equally frustrating as past face-punchings.

This got me thinking. Jameer's logic is interesting. He's purposefully experiencing one frustrating thing so he can better handle another. Barring a freak facial collapse he'll be able to say,

I can handle missing tonight's game-winning free throw because I handled IronFist pummeling my face last week.

Not sure if it's good logic but it's certainly worth thinking about. What frustrating experiences have I been able to handle because I've handled something even more frustrating?

I can handle Miss Jackson crapping in my Jeep's cup holder because I handled taking her outside, in the snow, in a sling and watching her not crap last year.

I can handle the fact that toddthefrog hasn't sent me the camera I just bought from him on eBay because I handled the missed deadlines of restoring my fire-damaged house last year.

I could handle doing this for much longer, but I'd like to read yours' first. And I want to watch House. What frustrating thing can you handle because you've handled something even more frustrating?

Werther's Original

I have this whole bit about Werther's Original in this new screenplay that I'm writing. I thought I'd go back and watch the commercial because it's been years since they coated the airwaves with carmel grandpa love. Holy crap. It's more ridiculous than I remembered. Maybe this one only played in the UK? I don't remember the song at all.

FEED ME!

Every morning I wake up to the same thing. I take that back. I just got a new alarm clock with an intolerable siren-squelch so I now wake up the radio. The only station that comes in plays a crazy variety of music. I bet Nickelback and their intolerable squelch have angered me awake a dozen times. How is Nickelback getting paid to make music? That'd be like paying my pancreas for its quality insulin production. Anyways...

Every morning, Miss Jackson runs around our bed putting on her one-dog show of tap-dancing and whining. She is panicked that we are never going to wake up and feed her. Every. Single. Morning. She paces back and forth making just the right amount of noise to drive you crazy. I'm sure she's internally screaming FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME! So, every morning, we externally say/yell, "Lie down." Then we discuss amongst ourselves whether it should be "lie" or "lay" and eventually fall asleep unsure and forgetting to wikipedia it later on. That last part is a lie. See what I did there? (I am digressing a lot in this post)


We have never not fed our dog. She must forget this. She must forget that she has never gone a morning without food. Even when we are out of dog food she gets Honey Bunches of Oats or deli meats or something. We provide for this freaking dog 100% of the time.

I wonder if God looks at us the same way I look at Miss Jackson. As I run around making noise, begging him to HELP ME, FEED ME, PROVIDE FOR ME, I wonder if he rubs his huge eyeballs and wants to say, "Have I ever not "fed" you? Did you forget about last week? Do you not remember that one time...? Why are you so panicked right now? Lie down. Trust me. I will provide."

Drunk History volume 4

This is hilarious. Of all the Drunk History volumes this is the least vulgar. But the subject matter is relevant for this week. So I hope you excuse the language. Watch the others (especially the first one) if you don't mind a little cussin'. When I say a little I mean a lots.

Slingshot Man

This is spectacular. Robin Hood eat your muttonheart out. Annie get your gun then put it down and watch Rufus. Dead Eye Dick, quit being such a jerk. Seriously, we get it, you're a good shot. But wouldn't it be nice if we could just call you Dead Eye Dale. Once you settle down get a load of ole Rufus. Doc Hollywood, Rufus is YOUR huckleberry. Ralphie, you'll shoot your eye out unless Rufus beats you to it. John Paxton, watch Rufus take the literal rock and get nothing but net every time. And by net I mean exploding rabbit. Watch and learn, markspeople.

Reflecting on 1,000 Beautiful Things

I've been trying to reflect on this past week's experiment in chronicling beautiful things. What started off as a spontaneous idea ended up being a deeply moving experience. I spend a significant time criticizing things. It's part of my job. It's part of my learned background from school. It's one of my key strengths but also a frustrating weakness. So to be glued to my computer reading your lists of beautiful things was simply amazing. It was uplifting, eye-opening, heart-warming, nostalgic, hopeful, sentimental and meaningful to be a part of something that took on a life that none of us could've anticipated. So many times while reading the list I made this strange "hmm" noise to myself or said out loud, "yeah." I'm sure you did the same. Here's a few of my favorites.

88. A lazy game of H-O-R-S-E
131. the sound of rain on a tin roof
168. an unexpected letter
303. walking around bare foot, especially in summer with the grass between your toes
331. Hearing stories about when your grandparents were young lovers.
402. the good kind of tired - after working hard & being satisfied by it.
442. Cutting the perfect turn on perfectly flat water.
550. realizing my first reaction after scoring was to look up at the sky, at Heaven
5501/2. Bradley telling me I changed him into a soccer fan, or at least a soccer acceptor
790. "Hey dad, you wanna play Candyland?

I've been trying to figure out how this whole thing happened. I honestly didn't think we'd get past a couple hundred. Was it the challenge? Do we like to be a part of ridiculous goals? Why was it contagious? Was it the topic of beauty? I don't think the same thing would happen if I asked you to list 1,000 salty things. Although, that would be fun too. (#1. Ohio streets in January.)

So let's say for sake of argument that it's the topic of beauty that was so contagious. Why? What about this experiment caused you to stay involved until we reached our goal? I would love to hear from you but perhaps even more meaningful would be for you to reflect on why you participated like you did. There was something magical to the whole thing. It's good to reflect on such things. So I know I've asked quite a bit of you as of late. But I would love to hear your reflections if you're willing to share.

Gillyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

MLK Jr.