"" bshawise: He-Man (ish)

Monday, June 16, 2008

He-Man (ish)

I broke my rib. I don't have the X-rays to prove it. But it has to be more than a bad bruise because I honestly can't imagine the pain getting any worse. Unless my rib was sticking out of my skin. I guess I should suck it up.

If you know me, you probably think I sustained my injury by saving an elderly, distressed damsel from a mugger wielding a crow bar. Well, you're wrong. The mugger was holding her at cannon point. I stepped in and took the blow at point blank range. Cannonballs hurt. I'm not sure why we abandoned them for tiny bullets and germ bombs. Is it because they can't eat flesh? Are punishing blows too old fashioned? I digress.

The truth is, I broke my rib on a slip n' slide. To be fair to my temple, I re-broke my rib. Over a year ago I got busted up making a diving catch in a SUPER important flag football game. I bet those guys are still drinking Budweisers and talking about that catch. Anyways, I was faced with a long strip of wet vinyl and did my best Pete Rose impression. I gambled that my body could handle numerous bellyfloppin slides. I lost the farm. The reality (that I'm no longer He-Man) beat me with a royal flush of age-ism. I was duped into believing the catcalls of my teenage brain, "You're a bronze adonis. You can do this. You should try it off the roof." What my nearly-30 yr. old body should've known is that the hard ground beats teenage brain every time.

Unless you're He-Man. That guy spends his Saturdays slippin', slidin' and bouncing cannonballs off his chest.



Joe, call your agent, that sounds like a plot line for the next Weekend at Bernie's.

2 comments:

Christopher Day said...

So, your telling me that "by the power of Greyskull" Prince Adam could totally transform himself from simple, run-of-the-mill prince into an amazing man of He, but he couldn't do ANYTHING to assist poor, helpless E.T. get home??? Selfish He-boy.

John said...

Just because we never SAW He-Man injure himself doesn't mean he never did -- he surely had a off day SOMEWHERE along the line -- and through it all he remained He-Man.