Bears On A Submarine

This would be the shortest, bloodiest film in the history of motion pictures. It would fade up with Samuel L. sitting on a submarine chair, smoking. P.W. Herman would walk in say, "Hey! You can't smoke in here!" Samuel L. would say, "Oh yeah, Turkey? You got something else you'd like to do?" Then he'd slowly look to the right. Quick cut to the snarling mouth of a blood thirsty bear. Screams of death. The end. Text would fade up-

"On October 21, 2007, Barnabus (the bear) tragically broke loose and actually ate everyone. His trainer was shocked. For two minutes. Then he also got mauled. The footage you just saw was actual. The blood....actual. We lost a lot of great men and women that day. And Paul Reubens."

Then for the next 120 minutes the credits, or more appropriately, the memorial for the cast and crew would roll. Bob Dylan would sing some garbled, depressing folk poem that would sound like he recorded it from the stomach of Barnabus. They'd show black and white behind the scenes footage of the cast reading their lines. It would end with Samuel L. reading, "Take that, Turkey......(long pause)... Bear" and the cast, in their sweatpants and baseball caps would just laugh and laugh and laugh. Oh the ironic horror.